Week One | Outside the circle of huts | Friday Night

[sasetai]

[ There is a song they would sing, the three of them. Head, shoulder, knees, toes, she'd sing faster and faster and Shin would get upset when he couldn't keep up.

She has been walking back and forth, back and forth, humming the rhythm, following the words and lightly pressing her fingertips against the mentioned body parts. ]

Eyes, and ears, and mouth, and nose..head--

[ She stops when she sees Bellamy, and though she speaks directly to him, her eyes look somewhere much far past him. ]

You were right. [ Her voice is tired, but there is no severity in her voice, no fear. She speaks like what is just is. ]

We're all at risk.

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[jettisons]

[Bellamy's seen this far too many times before, and it's almost automatic for him to reach for her, though he doesn't quite touch her arm for fear of spooking her. She's talking to him though, so that's a good sign.]

Hey, look at me. We're gonna get through this, alright?

[Which is exactly what he said to Haru, and the sudden realization makes him inhale just a hair too sharp.]

[sasetai]

[ And look she does, but her head is heavy. She gently places her hands on either of her cheeks, like she's afraid it will fall off otherwise. ]

Mhm, but you know? I've already been through this.

[ She furrows her eyebrows, trying to put words to the pictures in her mind. ]

It was different, but it was a little bit the same. They took all the important pieces of me and left everything no one needed.

[ And once she speaks, it's like something is expelled from her system. Her eyes are clearer just for a moment. ]

Maybe you'll get through it, you wouldn't let someone take anything from you. Would you?

[jettisons]

I've already had things taken from me.

[Nothing more than that, mostly because this isn't about him. He's far more concerned about her, and her answer hasn't helped that. Bellamy studies her, eyes searching her face.]

What do you mean, you've already been through this?

[sasetai]

[ It takes her a bit, to pull apart what he has said and what he's asked. At first it blends together and her answers get a little jumbled. She blinks slowly and nods. ]

It was just like this-- that's all. They took my hair, my eyes, my hands, my tongue. But they only took just enough. I was still breathing, but I was left behind.

[ She looks like she's going to say more-- she opens her mouth, decides against it and closes it shut. She says something else that's on her mind instead. ]

But that happened, and there's no getting those things back. I hope you're not like me, I hope you can get back what they took from you.

[jettisons]

[Bellamy just shakes his head. He can't get them back, but he can't dwell on it. If he starts to think about Clarke, or Jasper, or Gina, if he lets himself get lost in it, he won't move forward. He needs to survive. He needs to keep Raven safe.

But there's a metaphor in Jinah's words that's going over his head, he thinks.]

I don't understand what you mean, Jinah.

[sasetai]

[ Sometimes she doesn't understand either, sometimes all the places she's been and all the things that have happened turn leave her at a loss.

But the particularities of how they lost Haru make it all clearer. Not less confusing, but clearer.

She clears her throat, there's nothing stuck in it but it makes it easier to speak when she hears herself first. ]

I got punished for doing something I wasn't supposed to.

[ Her hands finally leave her face, they rest as closely wound fists at her side. ]

They cut off my hair, and they cut out my tongue and made sure I couldn't see either. But they didn't kill me.

[ And maybe it's out of place or cruel but she still can't help but say how she feels-- ]

Haru was a little luckier than me, but not by much. Whatever they did to her, they still wanted it to hurt.

[jettisons]

I'm sorry.

[It's all he can think to say, even though he's still not sure he fully understands what she means, considering she looks just fine now. He doesn't want to pry, though, because there's no point. Her comment about someone wanting to make Haru hurt twists at him, and it shows in his expression for a second before he manages to shut that down.]

We'll figure out who it was. We have to. We can't let them hurt anyone else.

[sasetai]

It's okay. [ It's all she says, because it is, because he isn't the one who has harmed her. He shouldn't feel bad. Her voice is far away after she has time to think about what he's said. ]

You're very strong and you seem very sure. But sometimes you can't stop what's going to happen from happening.. I've been here before, I'm here again and... when my time here is done I think I'll wind up somewhere else just like this.

[ Something in her throat stirs. She sounds like she's going to cry, but thankfully her eyes are dry. Even with how foggy her mind is she can still manage to be embarrassed. ]

But you might be okay... I hope you are. You seem like you know where you're going to go.

[jettisons]

[This time he does touch her, reaching for her upper arm, his voice quiet and insistent.]

I'm not always sure. None of us are. That doesn't mean we can give up. If I can be okay, so can you.

[sasetai]

[ She looks at his hand, eyes a little wide. She is hesitant, but she reaches for it, only to lightly press her fingers against his wrist. There is real warmth-- from blood, from kindness, from a pulse beating slowly on his wrist. ]

I don't believe you.. but I don't want to give up.

[ A stupid thing to say perhaps, in spite of all that she's done and already said so far. ]

Even after everything that happened before this place, I-I still want to live. I'm tired of never getting a chance to decide what happens to me.

[ But then again didn't they all. ]

I.. I'm sorry, none of this probably makes any sense.

[jettisons]

[Bellamy shakes his head, and while he was about to pull his hand away pretty immediately, now he leaves it.]

It makes sense.

[Parts of it, anyway. The core of it.]

I know it feels like we're powerless here, but we aren't. You never are. We're going to stop this, and we'll do it together. We're going to look out for each other and tell those AI to go float themselves. Got it?

[sasetai]

[ She trusts him-- not for any reason in particular except for the fact that he has so much resolve. But when it comes to the others.. ]

That's.. That's what I'm worried about the most. [ She takes a deep breath, poising herself to elaborate. ]

Some of the worst things that have ever happened to me.. they were because of the people who cared about me the most. I don't want to not trust the people here but after today.. I don't know.

[jettisons]

[He thinks of Echo automatically, earning his trust and then getting Gina killed. Almost killing Octavia. Bellamy knows what it's like to be betrayed, and he knows what it's like when people die because of it. Still, what else can they do? Detaching himself from the rest of the group will only paint a target on his back and put Raven in danger. It'll keep him from protecting the people here who need it.]

It's not easy. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to lock yourself in your hut and never come out, but none of us will be safe that way. All I can do is promise that I won't hurt you. Neither will Raven.

[That still requires her to take his word for it, but he's genuine, at least.]

[sasetai]

[ She knows he's right. She's been there, done that, not by choice-- but she's watched that sort of paranoia force someone to unravel.

He has a conviction that reminds her a bit of home, of friends lost and left behind. ]

You promise?

[ Hesitantly, she extends a pinky. A childish way to make a deal, but it is another piece of home that she can't seem to let go of. ]

I'll look out for you and your friend, and you'll both look out for me, right?

[jettisons]

[Bellamy hesitates, thrown by the gesture, and then finally links his pinky with hers.]

I promise.

[It's stupid to promise this again, after all the promises he's made and failed to keep. After Haru. But he does.]

We'll protect you, Jinah. You're not alone here.

[It's not like he can be with her every second of every day though, so...]

If someone came at you, would you know how to defend yourself?

[sasetai]

[ She doesn't even have to think about it-- ]

No.

[ There's no point in beating around the bush. Before this place she'd survived through blind faith and dumb luck, and even before that she'd never had any reason to need to defend herself. ]

Earlier this week I was asking a lot of people a lot of questions, do you remember? I was trying to figure out if I needed to be careful around anyone. It's all I can really do.

[jettisons]

Smart.

[There's clear approval in his voice. He was wondering why her questions were so probing, and that makes perfect sense.]

Do you want me to teach you?

[sasetai]

If you can..

[ Though she wonders how apt a student she's capable of being. ]

I'm not very strong, but I think I'm pretty fast. I think in most cases my best bet is running instead of fighting.

[jettisons]

[That's fair, but Bellamy doesn't seem too phased by it.]

Then I can teach you how to disarm and distract someone long enough to get away. You don't always have to be strong, you just have to know where to hit.

[sasetai]

[ She nods, slowly and deliberately. It was probably about time, the Gods had never taken mercy on her, even before this place-- but at very least there had been other forces to keep her out of harms way.

That wasn't the case here. If she wanted a chance at making her own choices then she'd have to fight for it. ]

Thank you. You didn't have to help me, but you are. I won't forget that.

[jettisons]

[He nods back.]

I want all of us to get out of here, Jinah, not just me.